Navigating emotions isn’t easy. It’s societally expected for just about everyone to be able to regulate their feelings about any given subject. These aren’t easily met expectations for individuals with autism, who often lack self-regulatory skills necessary to positively express intense feelings in a healthy way. When left without the self-regulatory skills, can hinder on the kiddo’s assimilation into their environment.

Whether you’re a teacher, parent, caregiver, or therapist, we’ve got the tips and tricks to help you teach your kiddos emotional self-regulation.

What is it?

Emotions are reactions to stimuli in an environment. For example, if a kiddo is encountering a frustrating task, they might emotionally respond with a tantrum, meltdown, or by shedding a few upset tears.

Emotional regulation is the ability to control and respond to emotions in a manner that is conducive to the desired environment. If the same kiddo is frustrated at a task but is able to emotionally self-regulate, they might get upset for a little while and then power through it because they are able to set their emotions aside for an overall goal.

For kiddos with autism, emotional self-regulation can be especially tough. Researchers believe difficulty with emotional self-regulation for kiddos with autism might be linked to difficulties with executive functioning. According to Dr. Adel Najdowski, director of the Master of Science in Behavioral Psychology program at Pepperdine University, says all executive functions involve behavior. The behaviors can improve the executive functioning of an individual.

It stands to reason that since a lot of emotions and behaviors go hand in hand and, task completion, which can be influenced by behaviors, it can be an emotional thing. From the perspective of Dr. Najdowski, individuals with autism also have difficulty with self-regulation because they have difficulty with executive functioning, although they’re not mutually exclusive.

How to teach it

Teaching emotions to some children on the spectrum presents unique challenges. Kiddos with autism often have brains that are grounded in logic and concrete, mathematical concepts. Emotions aren’t always logical or systematic, which makes them especially tough to teach.

Visualize it

In the same way that it helps a kiddo a ton to have a visual routine, visualizing emotions in a concrete way can be extremely helpful. Visual cues can really appeal to a brain that often favors systematic, logical thinking.

Helping your kiddo put words to their feelings is important, if not imperative. Give them the option to say how they feel as well as a way to either move beyond or overcome that. Doing so with a visual chart is widely regarded as one of the best ways.

We created a chart to help you identify those emotions and determine when and why they feel those emotions.

Match it up

Matching games can help a lot! On a set of opaque, white plastic spoons, draw some eyes to represent emotions; happy, sad, confused, silly, mad, upset. On a transparent plastic spoon, draw mouths to correspond with the emotions. You should have ten spoons in total. Then, ask a kiddo to match the faces together properly, laying the transparent spoon over the opaque one.

You can also help kiddos learn emotions by purchasing some simple emotions cards here.

Appropriate reactions

After visualizing and breaking down the ways in which your kiddo may be reacting to environmental stimuli is affecting them, it’s time to discuss appropriate reactions. What can the kiddo do better? What should they do? What would be good, and what would be bad?

It’s important to let the kiddo lead the activity here. It may be easy for you to simply instruct them as to what the appropriate reaction could be here, however, that might not be the most effective way to do it. Letting a kiddo draw their own conclusions about appropriate reactions can help them better learn it.

Take a breather

Just like adults, kiddos sometimes need strategies for navigating stressful or highly emotional situations. Here’s a little list of things kiddos can do to take a breather.

1. Count to ten before reacting
2. Leave the situation and respectfully state the following: “I need some space right now, but I will be back later to resolve this.”
3. Ask for help from an adult
4. Talk to a teacher, caregiver, or parent
5. Compromise
6. Think happy thoughts
7. Get or give a good hug
8. Sit outside for three to five minutes in silence and collect your thoughts

It can be tough to navigate highly emotional situations but putting a slight pause between situation and reaction can be one of the most effective and appropriate ways to handle such circumstances.

Moving forward

Learning emotions is easier said than done. Whether you’re a teacher in the classroom, parent, therapist, or caregiver, keep at it even if it’s difficult. It may take a while for routine to become a habit, and that’s okay. You’re doing great things.